I always try to be good dog, but sometimes I forget, so I’ve now made a list of some of the things my mother tolerates but frowns upon and that I must try to remember.
- I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it … nor after they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, rotting seaweed, Hadeda poop etc …
- The litter box is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a “face towel”.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- Sticking my nose into a visitor’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “Hello”.
- After depositing a big poop outside, I will not then immediately head inside to drag my butt across the carpet.
- I will not sit in the middle of the TV lounge and noisily lick my crotch in the middle of a movie.
- I will not sit in the dining room and emit noxious gasses when we have guests over for dinner.
- The cats are not ‘squeaky toys’ so when I play with them and they make a noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
If I promise to remember all of these things, when I get to heaven may I have my testicles back?