Bruno’s “Good Dog” Prayer

 

Bruno

Dear God,

I always try to be good dog, but sometimes I forget, so I’ve now made a list of some of the things my mother tolerates but frowns upon and that I must try to remember.

  1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it … nor after they throw it up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, rotting seaweed, Hadeda poop etc …
  3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
  4. The sofa is not a “face towel”.
  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. Sticking my nose into a visitor’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “Hello”.
  7. After depositing a big poop outside, I will not then immediately head inside to drag my butt across the carpet.
  8. I will not sit in the middle of the TV lounge and noisily lick my crotch in the middle of a movie.
  9. I will not sit in the dining room and emit noxious gasses when we have guests over for dinner.
  10. The cats are not ‘squeaky toys’ so when I play with them and they make a noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

If I promise to remember all of these things, when I get to heaven may I have my testicles back?

Amen.

 

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